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.“It looks like you took pretty good care of him, Jesse.” She rose from the bed.“I’m his roommate.That’s my job.”That same suggestive, teasing tone, which he’d manage to delete from their conversation three days earlier, now returned to his voice.It stopped her halfway to the door.He had his old smug smile on his face.“Can I ask you something, Jesse?”“Always.”“How would you get rid of him when you’re done?”Jesse narrowed his eyes on her, as if the implication of her words were written in tiny letters across her forehead.“Never mind the fact that he’s not as stupid as the little girls you always bring through here.But he’s your roommate.It’s not like you could just not call him back.”“I’m not even sure what you’re accusing me of.”“I’m not accusing you of anything.But I’ve always known that you can’t resist anyone who worships you enough.I’m just asking you to think twice about this one.”She managed to shut the door behind her without slamming it.Kathryn realized that it all boiled down to small omissions, little things Randall hadn’t told her.But after she left his room, she realized that being confronted with secrets of any kind returned her to the night on China Beach when Jono’s secret scattered to the rocks at the mouth of the Pacific.She tried to sleep and instead found herself in a speeding car.Kerry was gunning the Miata out of the China Beach parking lot.After only a few weekends spent with Jono and his friends, the Kerry who had once been wary and suspicions of college kids now worshiped them as one would a patron saint.“Are you sure we should just leave him there?” Kerry asked, her voice tense.“He’ll get a ride with Peter.”They were approaching the edge of Golden Gate Park, on their way to the late-night party at Kerry’s house in Noe Valley, which had been vacated by her parents for the weekend.Kathryn could hear the Miata’s tiny engine protesting as Kerry kicked at the gas and hiccupped across two lanes of traffic.“Damn, how’d he piss you off so much?” Kerry asked.“We were out on the rocks and he started pawing me and—”“Oh, and you so hate it when he paws you, right?”“Can I finish, please?”Kerry shook her head, once, twice, each time faster.There was something wrong with the way her head kept jerking on her neck, almost like a plastic, windup doll.Then, with one palm on the steering wheel, Kerry brought a hand to her nose, swabbing at her nostrils and then raking her fingers back through her hair.Kathryn wondered if she was trying to plaster her bangs with her snot.“So he’s acting like an idiot and then he drops his jacket into the surf and I can’t find him.”“His jacket? He lost his jacket?” Kerry’s voice ratcheted upward in alarm.She glanced fiercely at Kathryn, not seeing what Kathryn saw—the car was barreling toward a stoplight at fifty miles an hour.“Kerry!”Kerry slammed on the brakes and Kathryn’s arm went out, her hand smacking into the glove compartment.Stunned, Kathryn lifted her head to see the stoplight had gone green, but Kerry still had her foot on the brake and the car was halted in moving traffic.“We need to go back, Kathryn!”Kerry twisted against her seat belt, and in the wan green halo of the stoplight, she saw that Kerry’s eyes were wild, her pupils dilated.“What’s wrong with you?” she demanded.“Nothing.We just can’t leave him back there.I mean, without his jacket.He’s probably freezing his ass off.”“He got a ride with Peter.I’m sure! Kerry, the light’s green!”“No, seriously, Kathryn.We need to go back and get him.”“Kerry!”But before Kathryn could protest further, the Miata lurched left and Kerry tore out in a wide, stomach-wringing U-turn across the intersection.In disbelief, Kathryn heard the sound of peeling rubber beneath the car’s shuddering wheels, and when they almost collided with the curb, Kerry let out a cry that was more infuriated than afraid.Kerry, brow furrowed slightly in concentration, gazed fixedly ahead, got into her lane and accelerated.Once again, her hand swabbed at her nose.“Pull over,” Kathryn said.“Chill, Kathryn, it’ll only take a—”“Pull over!”Kerry let out an annoyed grunt and the Miata bounced to the curb.Once the car came to a stop, Kerry released the steering wheel, threw up her hands, and stared at her friend as if she had sprouted devil’s horns.“What are you on?” Kathryn asked.“Excuse me?”“You’re high on something.Not drunk.Not stoned.You’re fucking high.”She saw protest flicker and then fade in Kerry’s eyes before her face became a tight mask of indignation.“Like you don’t know,” she muttered.“Don’t know what?” Kathryn barked.Afraid that Kerry’s foot would hit the gas again, she curled her fingers around the door handle, ready to make a quick escape.“He’s your boyfriend,.Kathryn.Shouldn’t you know?” Kerry saw the confusion on her face and added, “Please! You’ve seen his apartment? You think he paid for all the stuff with work-study?”Kathryn’s hand slipped off the door handle.The questions hit her rapid fire.How did Jono, the bartender and struggling college student,.afford the matrix of electronics equipment in his apartment? Did she ever really believe the story about how he had a friend who got it for him wholesale? A friend she had never met? Where did he go after the sudden phone calls and abrupt departures from his apartment, when he assured her that he was not going to see another girl, and that he would be back in time to drive her home from Berkeley to Sea Cliff before her curfew? Suddenly all the unanswered questions, which had in the beginning given her boyfriend his enigmatic appeal and sense of mystery, solidified into the obvious conclusion; she should have figured it out during the many nights she’d spent alone in his apartment, waiting for him to come back.“He had it in his jacket, didn’t he?”Kerry sighed.“It’s not that big a deal.”Kathryn slumped against the passenger seat, feeling as if the wind had been pummeled out of her.“Kathryn, if you’re going to be his girlfriend, you need to grow up a little bit.”“Grow up? You’re so fucking high you almost got us killed, and you want me to grow up!”“Yeah.And you’re really bad at playing dumb,” Kerry said, all sobriety now.Once she got out of the car at her house, after a ten-minute ride in abashed silence, Kathryn slammed the car door as hard as she could, because dumb didn’t even come close to describing how she felt.Floating somewhere between sleep and waking, Randall was afraid to turn over for fear that any change in position would further twist his gnarled stomach.After several minutes of indecision, he managed to roll onto his back, and where he did he realized he was naked, He saw Jesse sitting cross-legged on the foot of his bed.His legs, the etchings of his past he carried with him always, had been laid bare before Jesse’s eyes.He groped for memory and saw only Tim Mathis staring at him as he held him by both shoulders, and then a mad jump cut of flickering lights on the dance floor.“What time is it?” he asked groggily.“Almost six.”“What happened?”“I found you out front.You were passed out.”Alarm snapped Randall totally awake, and he tried to sit up.The comforter tumbled down his bare chest.He managed to catch it in his burned hand.Jesse hadn’t moved.“Why am I naked?” Randall asked, taking a breath between each word.“You were out of it.Kind of awake but totally incoherent.Not like I haven’t had experience with that kind of thing.But anyway, you kept saying you were burning up [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.“It looks like you took pretty good care of him, Jesse.” She rose from the bed.“I’m his roommate.That’s my job.”That same suggestive, teasing tone, which he’d manage to delete from their conversation three days earlier, now returned to his voice.It stopped her halfway to the door.He had his old smug smile on his face.“Can I ask you something, Jesse?”“Always.”“How would you get rid of him when you’re done?”Jesse narrowed his eyes on her, as if the implication of her words were written in tiny letters across her forehead.“Never mind the fact that he’s not as stupid as the little girls you always bring through here.But he’s your roommate.It’s not like you could just not call him back.”“I’m not even sure what you’re accusing me of.”“I’m not accusing you of anything.But I’ve always known that you can’t resist anyone who worships you enough.I’m just asking you to think twice about this one.”She managed to shut the door behind her without slamming it.Kathryn realized that it all boiled down to small omissions, little things Randall hadn’t told her.But after she left his room, she realized that being confronted with secrets of any kind returned her to the night on China Beach when Jono’s secret scattered to the rocks at the mouth of the Pacific.She tried to sleep and instead found herself in a speeding car.Kerry was gunning the Miata out of the China Beach parking lot.After only a few weekends spent with Jono and his friends, the Kerry who had once been wary and suspicions of college kids now worshiped them as one would a patron saint.“Are you sure we should just leave him there?” Kerry asked, her voice tense.“He’ll get a ride with Peter.”They were approaching the edge of Golden Gate Park, on their way to the late-night party at Kerry’s house in Noe Valley, which had been vacated by her parents for the weekend.Kathryn could hear the Miata’s tiny engine protesting as Kerry kicked at the gas and hiccupped across two lanes of traffic.“Damn, how’d he piss you off so much?” Kerry asked.“We were out on the rocks and he started pawing me and—”“Oh, and you so hate it when he paws you, right?”“Can I finish, please?”Kerry shook her head, once, twice, each time faster.There was something wrong with the way her head kept jerking on her neck, almost like a plastic, windup doll.Then, with one palm on the steering wheel, Kerry brought a hand to her nose, swabbing at her nostrils and then raking her fingers back through her hair.Kathryn wondered if she was trying to plaster her bangs with her snot.“So he’s acting like an idiot and then he drops his jacket into the surf and I can’t find him.”“His jacket? He lost his jacket?” Kerry’s voice ratcheted upward in alarm.She glanced fiercely at Kathryn, not seeing what Kathryn saw—the car was barreling toward a stoplight at fifty miles an hour.“Kerry!”Kerry slammed on the brakes and Kathryn’s arm went out, her hand smacking into the glove compartment.Stunned, Kathryn lifted her head to see the stoplight had gone green, but Kerry still had her foot on the brake and the car was halted in moving traffic.“We need to go back, Kathryn!”Kerry twisted against her seat belt, and in the wan green halo of the stoplight, she saw that Kerry’s eyes were wild, her pupils dilated.“What’s wrong with you?” she demanded.“Nothing.We just can’t leave him back there.I mean, without his jacket.He’s probably freezing his ass off.”“He got a ride with Peter.I’m sure! Kerry, the light’s green!”“No, seriously, Kathryn.We need to go back and get him.”“Kerry!”But before Kathryn could protest further, the Miata lurched left and Kerry tore out in a wide, stomach-wringing U-turn across the intersection.In disbelief, Kathryn heard the sound of peeling rubber beneath the car’s shuddering wheels, and when they almost collided with the curb, Kerry let out a cry that was more infuriated than afraid.Kerry, brow furrowed slightly in concentration, gazed fixedly ahead, got into her lane and accelerated.Once again, her hand swabbed at her nose.“Pull over,” Kathryn said.“Chill, Kathryn, it’ll only take a—”“Pull over!”Kerry let out an annoyed grunt and the Miata bounced to the curb.Once the car came to a stop, Kerry released the steering wheel, threw up her hands, and stared at her friend as if she had sprouted devil’s horns.“What are you on?” Kathryn asked.“Excuse me?”“You’re high on something.Not drunk.Not stoned.You’re fucking high.”She saw protest flicker and then fade in Kerry’s eyes before her face became a tight mask of indignation.“Like you don’t know,” she muttered.“Don’t know what?” Kathryn barked.Afraid that Kerry’s foot would hit the gas again, she curled her fingers around the door handle, ready to make a quick escape.“He’s your boyfriend,.Kathryn.Shouldn’t you know?” Kerry saw the confusion on her face and added, “Please! You’ve seen his apartment? You think he paid for all the stuff with work-study?”Kathryn’s hand slipped off the door handle.The questions hit her rapid fire.How did Jono, the bartender and struggling college student,.afford the matrix of electronics equipment in his apartment? Did she ever really believe the story about how he had a friend who got it for him wholesale? A friend she had never met? Where did he go after the sudden phone calls and abrupt departures from his apartment, when he assured her that he was not going to see another girl, and that he would be back in time to drive her home from Berkeley to Sea Cliff before her curfew? Suddenly all the unanswered questions, which had in the beginning given her boyfriend his enigmatic appeal and sense of mystery, solidified into the obvious conclusion; she should have figured it out during the many nights she’d spent alone in his apartment, waiting for him to come back.“He had it in his jacket, didn’t he?”Kerry sighed.“It’s not that big a deal.”Kathryn slumped against the passenger seat, feeling as if the wind had been pummeled out of her.“Kathryn, if you’re going to be his girlfriend, you need to grow up a little bit.”“Grow up? You’re so fucking high you almost got us killed, and you want me to grow up!”“Yeah.And you’re really bad at playing dumb,” Kerry said, all sobriety now.Once she got out of the car at her house, after a ten-minute ride in abashed silence, Kathryn slammed the car door as hard as she could, because dumb didn’t even come close to describing how she felt.Floating somewhere between sleep and waking, Randall was afraid to turn over for fear that any change in position would further twist his gnarled stomach.After several minutes of indecision, he managed to roll onto his back, and where he did he realized he was naked, He saw Jesse sitting cross-legged on the foot of his bed.His legs, the etchings of his past he carried with him always, had been laid bare before Jesse’s eyes.He groped for memory and saw only Tim Mathis staring at him as he held him by both shoulders, and then a mad jump cut of flickering lights on the dance floor.“What time is it?” he asked groggily.“Almost six.”“What happened?”“I found you out front.You were passed out.”Alarm snapped Randall totally awake, and he tried to sit up.The comforter tumbled down his bare chest.He managed to catch it in his burned hand.Jesse hadn’t moved.“Why am I naked?” Randall asked, taking a breath between each word.“You were out of it.Kind of awake but totally incoherent.Not like I haven’t had experience with that kind of thing.But anyway, you kept saying you were burning up [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]