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.I couldn’t help but laugh too.The way I felt with these new friends, especially Lisa and Jason, posed a striking contrast to the instability I experienced with Justin.I didn’t mind letting my naiveté show with them.It was freeing to just be myself and not feel afraid to ask questions, to learn, to admit I didn’t know certain things.I knew that while they might give me some good-natured grief, they weren’t criticizing me or berating me the way Justin often did.It was a refreshing taste of being accepted for who I was.Despite the relative calm, though, Justin’s bouts of anger hadn’t completely stopped.And by now I knew his drinking wasn’t simply “just out of college” behavior; he had a serious drinking problem.He became a totally different person when he drank.And he was a mean drunk—downright vicious sometimes.And then a phone call came that gave me some hope: Justin got offered a job in Phoenix.We were both ecstatic.It meant a bigger market, better money.and more important in my mind, the new beginning we desperately needed.While I still hadn’t been able to convince Justin to go to counseling, I was seeing a more intentional attempt on his part to control his anger.I had renewed hope that this move would give us a fresh start.Some friends threw us a good-bye party.We were surrounded by wonderful people in Boise I’d come to cherish, and I knew it would be hard to part ways.Little did I expect, however, that the emotional part of that evening would not be leaving our friends.I was standing outside with several people when Justin walked out to the corner of the garage and got sick.He’d clearly had too much to drink.When he was done throwing up, we watched him walk back in the house.Through the window we could see him grab another drink.I started shaking.By now, whenever I saw that Justin was drinking too much, my body started reacting involuntarily.I tried to hide my shaking hands, but I couldn’t keep it from my friends.“What do you want to do, Christi?” one girl asked me.I took a breath.“I want to go home,” I said.“I want to leave him here.”I was afraid to be alone with him.It didn’t dawn on me until later that I was telling these people something that was already quite clear to them.We all went inside to get my coat and tried to figure out a way to get me to my car without Justin noticing.I was sitting on a bench when another friend of ours, Denise, came up to me and said with a laugh, “Christi, you’ve got to get your husband out of here.I just walked up to him and said, ‘Justin, I’m going to miss you guys!’ He told me, ‘Well, why don’t you take me downstairs and show me how much you’re going to miss me?’” She was trying to laugh it off, but her words felt like a fist to my gut.We decided to employ Denise to distract Justin while I left.We watched from another room as she walked up to him and asked him to go downstairs with her.This was a revealing moment because prior to this, two other people had tried to get Justin downstairs and he’d refused.But when Denise asked, he immediately followed her down the stairs like a puppy going for a treat.My friends looked at me.I could see the sympathy in their eyes, and I knew they could see the humiliation in mine.I held it together until I got outside and saw several of my friends standing there just looking at me.“Christi, you don’t deserve this,” they said.“I’m so sorry.”That’s when I broke.I bowed my head in my hands, and the tears came in waves.“I’m so sorry!” I tried to catch my breath.“You’ve thrown this wonderful party, and I appreciate your support so much.I feel humiliated!”There was no use denying it now.That night a girlfriend stayed with me as I cried and tried to sort through all that had happened.Had Justin cheated on me with Denise? No.I didn’t think so.But I was pretty sure that was only because Denise wouldn’t open that door for him.But Justin? The churning in my gut told me that if given the chance, yes, he would.Of all the fears I had about Justin, unfaithfulness had never been one of them—until that moment [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.I couldn’t help but laugh too.The way I felt with these new friends, especially Lisa and Jason, posed a striking contrast to the instability I experienced with Justin.I didn’t mind letting my naiveté show with them.It was freeing to just be myself and not feel afraid to ask questions, to learn, to admit I didn’t know certain things.I knew that while they might give me some good-natured grief, they weren’t criticizing me or berating me the way Justin often did.It was a refreshing taste of being accepted for who I was.Despite the relative calm, though, Justin’s bouts of anger hadn’t completely stopped.And by now I knew his drinking wasn’t simply “just out of college” behavior; he had a serious drinking problem.He became a totally different person when he drank.And he was a mean drunk—downright vicious sometimes.And then a phone call came that gave me some hope: Justin got offered a job in Phoenix.We were both ecstatic.It meant a bigger market, better money.and more important in my mind, the new beginning we desperately needed.While I still hadn’t been able to convince Justin to go to counseling, I was seeing a more intentional attempt on his part to control his anger.I had renewed hope that this move would give us a fresh start.Some friends threw us a good-bye party.We were surrounded by wonderful people in Boise I’d come to cherish, and I knew it would be hard to part ways.Little did I expect, however, that the emotional part of that evening would not be leaving our friends.I was standing outside with several people when Justin walked out to the corner of the garage and got sick.He’d clearly had too much to drink.When he was done throwing up, we watched him walk back in the house.Through the window we could see him grab another drink.I started shaking.By now, whenever I saw that Justin was drinking too much, my body started reacting involuntarily.I tried to hide my shaking hands, but I couldn’t keep it from my friends.“What do you want to do, Christi?” one girl asked me.I took a breath.“I want to go home,” I said.“I want to leave him here.”I was afraid to be alone with him.It didn’t dawn on me until later that I was telling these people something that was already quite clear to them.We all went inside to get my coat and tried to figure out a way to get me to my car without Justin noticing.I was sitting on a bench when another friend of ours, Denise, came up to me and said with a laugh, “Christi, you’ve got to get your husband out of here.I just walked up to him and said, ‘Justin, I’m going to miss you guys!’ He told me, ‘Well, why don’t you take me downstairs and show me how much you’re going to miss me?’” She was trying to laugh it off, but her words felt like a fist to my gut.We decided to employ Denise to distract Justin while I left.We watched from another room as she walked up to him and asked him to go downstairs with her.This was a revealing moment because prior to this, two other people had tried to get Justin downstairs and he’d refused.But when Denise asked, he immediately followed her down the stairs like a puppy going for a treat.My friends looked at me.I could see the sympathy in their eyes, and I knew they could see the humiliation in mine.I held it together until I got outside and saw several of my friends standing there just looking at me.“Christi, you don’t deserve this,” they said.“I’m so sorry.”That’s when I broke.I bowed my head in my hands, and the tears came in waves.“I’m so sorry!” I tried to catch my breath.“You’ve thrown this wonderful party, and I appreciate your support so much.I feel humiliated!”There was no use denying it now.That night a girlfriend stayed with me as I cried and tried to sort through all that had happened.Had Justin cheated on me with Denise? No.I didn’t think so.But I was pretty sure that was only because Denise wouldn’t open that door for him.But Justin? The churning in my gut told me that if given the chance, yes, he would.Of all the fears I had about Justin, unfaithfulness had never been one of them—until that moment [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]