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.Or little secrets we held between the two of us that we never told anyone.Stupid secrets that didn’t seem to matter at the time, but did now.They were things I would not forget.Doing anything minimal was hard.Just brushing my teeth and getting dressed took all of my energy, so getting ready to see Justin and Kerri was probably the hardest thing I had ever done.I had skipped the make-up, deeming it totally unnecessary.As difficult as it was, I arrived at their house on time with a bottle of wine in hand.Kerri opened the door and hugged me right away.I didn’t realize the amount of emotions this simple hug would bring out until the bottle of wine had fallen to the floor and I fell into her arms.My eyes bled with tears and she held me until the flow stopped.Finally, once I dried my tears, we could relax and talk.I was a mess and I didn’t like it.I felt vulnerable, which was something I had tried not to be.I had kept my wall up around my heart so that things like this didn’t happen.Dallas swore he wouldn’t hurt me and he did.He was the reason my wall was now firmly back in place.“You can’t totally blame him, Avery,” Justin told me while we ate roast and potatoes.“He didn’t have all the correct information given to him.” I almost choked on my meat when he said it.He had been so quiet all night and then he came up with that.I shook my head.Boys stuck with their boys.That was apparent.“Justin, he broke her heart!” Kerri squealed.“You better not take his side.”“No sides should be taken.I should have told Dallas about his past.I just …” I paused.I did know why I didn’t tell him, but it was out of selfishness.I didn’t want him to get upset knowing what I did to him then.I didn’t think he could handle it.None of this was his fault, but nonetheless, my heart was ripped in two.I went on after composing myself.“I just didn’t know how to tell him.But no one should be mad at him.” I couldn’t handle everyone being angry at him.I hated when people broke up and everyone hated each other.There should be some peace between the couple and their friends.I wondered what Landon and I would say to each other.I hadn’t even thought about him since the break-up.I thought about him for the rest of the evening though.Kerri and I drank wine on the back patio and Justin watched baseball.That was when I told her.At first she spit out her wine all over herself.I couldn’t help but laugh and so did she.Then she cried.I hugged her and told her it would all be okay and I would be back soon.When I left it was me who gave her the hug that helped her on her feet.“You have a job when you get back,” she said as she walked me to the car.“So don’t like, fall in love with the place and move there permanently.” I laughed at her witty humor.It wasn’t possible that I would give up my home and stay there.What was possible was growth; mine.Chapter Twenty-FiveFor All The ReasonsOf course the day I left California it was sunny and beautiful.I left on the perfect day to sit in a beach chair.And where was I headed? Rainy Washington state, the dreariest state in the country, and I was going there to cheer up.It was sort of funny when you thought about it.I had everything packed and my car filled to the brim when my phone rang.I almost let it go to voicemail, but at the last minute I decided to pick it up.“This is Avery,” I answered.“It’s me,” Dallas said quietly.“I heard you’re moving.” Just hearing his voice on the line made that hole grow a few more inches.“I’m not moving.I am only going away for a few months.Who told you?” I had my guesses, the best one being Ianni.I knew he would find out anyway, I just didn’t want him calling me on the day I left.It made this move even harder.“Why?”“Why am I going away? Really?” He had some nerve to ask me this, but I took a deep breath and composed myself.“I need some time to myself.Nothing more.Nothing less.” There, an honest answer.“Well, I just called to tell you I got the New York building.I am leaving, too.” He sighed into the phone.“I am sorry that things happened the way they did.I … I wish you luck, Avery.”As I picked my jaw off the pavement I tried to think of a response.Now thinking back I could think of so many great things to say back.But I only said, “Thanks.Good luck to you, too.” The lamest thing I could think to say.It was something you said to a complete stranger.Not someone you loved.He hung up and that was it.It was done.I was alone and he was leaving too.He was slipping through my fingers only a few months ago and now he was gone.I let the tears fall where they wanted as I put May in her dog crate.She was coming with me on my new adventure; I was not about to leave her behind.We were venturing together to see what we could find in the Northwest.Ianni and I had our last cup of coffee together that day before I left.She hated saying goodbye, I could tell.I hated it more.“Lillith is here,” she said looking past me.I turned to see Lillith walking up to us in the street.Her wings were hidden from view since people were out and about today.They were all enjoying the sunshine.Lillith actually looked sad to see me go.But knowing her she would drop in on me anywhere I went.“So, ditching the Cali scene, huh?” she joked.“Yeah, I suppose I am.For now, anyway.”“Well, I will watch Ianni for you,” Lillith reassured me.“Hey!” Ianni said.“I don’t need a babysitter.”“Not anymore, but you did at first,” Lillith informed her.We all laughed and it almost, for a second, felt like leaving was a mistake.But there were so many reasons I was going.Not just because of Dallas, but for everything that had happened to me lately.I was leaving behind the darkness and hoping to find some light in Washington.Once I hit the interstate I could relax and let the windows down.May fell asleep in her crate and I sped along the highway towards Sequim [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Or little secrets we held between the two of us that we never told anyone.Stupid secrets that didn’t seem to matter at the time, but did now.They were things I would not forget.Doing anything minimal was hard.Just brushing my teeth and getting dressed took all of my energy, so getting ready to see Justin and Kerri was probably the hardest thing I had ever done.I had skipped the make-up, deeming it totally unnecessary.As difficult as it was, I arrived at their house on time with a bottle of wine in hand.Kerri opened the door and hugged me right away.I didn’t realize the amount of emotions this simple hug would bring out until the bottle of wine had fallen to the floor and I fell into her arms.My eyes bled with tears and she held me until the flow stopped.Finally, once I dried my tears, we could relax and talk.I was a mess and I didn’t like it.I felt vulnerable, which was something I had tried not to be.I had kept my wall up around my heart so that things like this didn’t happen.Dallas swore he wouldn’t hurt me and he did.He was the reason my wall was now firmly back in place.“You can’t totally blame him, Avery,” Justin told me while we ate roast and potatoes.“He didn’t have all the correct information given to him.” I almost choked on my meat when he said it.He had been so quiet all night and then he came up with that.I shook my head.Boys stuck with their boys.That was apparent.“Justin, he broke her heart!” Kerri squealed.“You better not take his side.”“No sides should be taken.I should have told Dallas about his past.I just …” I paused.I did know why I didn’t tell him, but it was out of selfishness.I didn’t want him to get upset knowing what I did to him then.I didn’t think he could handle it.None of this was his fault, but nonetheless, my heart was ripped in two.I went on after composing myself.“I just didn’t know how to tell him.But no one should be mad at him.” I couldn’t handle everyone being angry at him.I hated when people broke up and everyone hated each other.There should be some peace between the couple and their friends.I wondered what Landon and I would say to each other.I hadn’t even thought about him since the break-up.I thought about him for the rest of the evening though.Kerri and I drank wine on the back patio and Justin watched baseball.That was when I told her.At first she spit out her wine all over herself.I couldn’t help but laugh and so did she.Then she cried.I hugged her and told her it would all be okay and I would be back soon.When I left it was me who gave her the hug that helped her on her feet.“You have a job when you get back,” she said as she walked me to the car.“So don’t like, fall in love with the place and move there permanently.” I laughed at her witty humor.It wasn’t possible that I would give up my home and stay there.What was possible was growth; mine.Chapter Twenty-FiveFor All The ReasonsOf course the day I left California it was sunny and beautiful.I left on the perfect day to sit in a beach chair.And where was I headed? Rainy Washington state, the dreariest state in the country, and I was going there to cheer up.It was sort of funny when you thought about it.I had everything packed and my car filled to the brim when my phone rang.I almost let it go to voicemail, but at the last minute I decided to pick it up.“This is Avery,” I answered.“It’s me,” Dallas said quietly.“I heard you’re moving.” Just hearing his voice on the line made that hole grow a few more inches.“I’m not moving.I am only going away for a few months.Who told you?” I had my guesses, the best one being Ianni.I knew he would find out anyway, I just didn’t want him calling me on the day I left.It made this move even harder.“Why?”“Why am I going away? Really?” He had some nerve to ask me this, but I took a deep breath and composed myself.“I need some time to myself.Nothing more.Nothing less.” There, an honest answer.“Well, I just called to tell you I got the New York building.I am leaving, too.” He sighed into the phone.“I am sorry that things happened the way they did.I … I wish you luck, Avery.”As I picked my jaw off the pavement I tried to think of a response.Now thinking back I could think of so many great things to say back.But I only said, “Thanks.Good luck to you, too.” The lamest thing I could think to say.It was something you said to a complete stranger.Not someone you loved.He hung up and that was it.It was done.I was alone and he was leaving too.He was slipping through my fingers only a few months ago and now he was gone.I let the tears fall where they wanted as I put May in her dog crate.She was coming with me on my new adventure; I was not about to leave her behind.We were venturing together to see what we could find in the Northwest.Ianni and I had our last cup of coffee together that day before I left.She hated saying goodbye, I could tell.I hated it more.“Lillith is here,” she said looking past me.I turned to see Lillith walking up to us in the street.Her wings were hidden from view since people were out and about today.They were all enjoying the sunshine.Lillith actually looked sad to see me go.But knowing her she would drop in on me anywhere I went.“So, ditching the Cali scene, huh?” she joked.“Yeah, I suppose I am.For now, anyway.”“Well, I will watch Ianni for you,” Lillith reassured me.“Hey!” Ianni said.“I don’t need a babysitter.”“Not anymore, but you did at first,” Lillith informed her.We all laughed and it almost, for a second, felt like leaving was a mistake.But there were so many reasons I was going.Not just because of Dallas, but for everything that had happened to me lately.I was leaving behind the darkness and hoping to find some light in Washington.Once I hit the interstate I could relax and let the windows down.May fell asleep in her crate and I sped along the highway towards Sequim [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]