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.This portrait had accompanied me fromMassachusetts to Maine to California to Washington.Now I felt asthough I were seeing the original version that had inspired the artist solong ago.My ephemeral personality had also been bent, folded stapled and mutilated, yet the pristine purity of that primal identity remained untarnished.It felt good to know that I actually had a trueface that could remain inviolate through so many inadequate renditions.An interesting discovery was that even a dose as small as twelvemilligrams could produce a salutary effect.Normally it would nothave seemed worth bothering with so minuscule an amount.Oneafternoon, however, I found myself nerved up over problems relatingto our foundation and in no mood for an upcoming dinner party.Hence, around midafternoon Howard gave me a twelve milligramshot and I lay down for fifteen minutes.The effect was that which issupposed to be produced by a vibrating bed.It was just a gentle 1 0 2 Journeys into the Bright Worldmassage, jogging every particle of my scattered psyche back into proper alinement as a magnet might draw a mass of iron fillings into acoherent pattern.The sense of being "all together" lasted the rest ofthe day and greatly enhanced our evening.Another mini-trip of fifteen milligrams was taken when I hadbeen on a partial fast for the sake of removing a few pounds.Eventhough not eating, I sat at the dinner table with Howard.The doseseemed exactly right for the mood and setting.Throughout the meal Ifelt brilliant, beautiful, rich, relaxed and sparkling.Whereas a predinner cocktail would have dulled the senses this easeful upliftment intensified this every detail of that memorable meal.Yellow com, greenlima beans and red peppers in a casserole sparkled mysteriously in thecandlelight.The salad of green and purple cabbage and orange carrotsringed with scolloped cucumbers on a bed of lettuce could have beennature's crown jewels.I had no more desire to consume thesebeauteous vegetables than to munch on emeralds and rubies, yet mysoul was sumptuously fed.Even our table talk remains imprinted in my mind.If one couldalways be just this high, I averred, what immeasurable influence andworldly accomplishment might be achieved? Since we could occasionally produce this sort of mood on our own, might it not be possible to maximize the ketaminelike substances which the body producesnaturally, just as one can produce alpha waves with the aid of abiofeedback machine? When I reached peaks in meditation it was likeclimbing a hill under my own steam.There was always the necessityto push on.This was more like having a loving hand reach down topull me up.Before it had saddened me to have to redescend into the valley ofhumdrum occupations.Now I saw that the process of shaking off thedust of the plains was like washing.Even if the grime again accumulates, scrubbing is worthwhile simply for the sake of beingrefreshed.In the long run, being a clean person has its own positive effects.The conversation then turned to the subject of synthetics, ofwhich ketamine is one."Well, God also made chemicals 1" This was acommon enough thought, but then it slid on into the idea, "And weare all chemicals in the body of God." I wondered why the word "synthetic" has pejorative overtones when synthesis is our evolutionarygoal.Simultaneously I saw myself as an organic compound beingbroken down to the molecular level and then restructured into a moreeffectively functioning human being.It seemed like a rightful way tocarry out nature's intent.On the whole, this experience taught me thatketamine may be advantageously used in weight control, since it canso easily diminish one's appetite.That night I slept well and awoke at our usual outrageous hour of5:30 am without the customary desire to crawl back under the com Let the Soul Seep Through103forter.Our mini-dose trips had been more useful than I would haveexpected.Perhaps, in the long run, this would be the way to go.As the month of February wore on two predinner twenty-fivemilligram sessions provided an interesting contrast between ideal andreal possibilities.In each instance Howard had come home from thehospital, we had our usual yoga workout and dinner had beenprepared.It was that quiet evening time when many people wouldpause for a cocktail a habit in which we do not indulge [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.This portrait had accompanied me fromMassachusetts to Maine to California to Washington.Now I felt asthough I were seeing the original version that had inspired the artist solong ago.My ephemeral personality had also been bent, folded stapled and mutilated, yet the pristine purity of that primal identity remained untarnished.It felt good to know that I actually had a trueface that could remain inviolate through so many inadequate renditions.An interesting discovery was that even a dose as small as twelvemilligrams could produce a salutary effect.Normally it would nothave seemed worth bothering with so minuscule an amount.Oneafternoon, however, I found myself nerved up over problems relatingto our foundation and in no mood for an upcoming dinner party.Hence, around midafternoon Howard gave me a twelve milligramshot and I lay down for fifteen minutes.The effect was that which issupposed to be produced by a vibrating bed.It was just a gentle 1 0 2 Journeys into the Bright Worldmassage, jogging every particle of my scattered psyche back into proper alinement as a magnet might draw a mass of iron fillings into acoherent pattern.The sense of being "all together" lasted the rest ofthe day and greatly enhanced our evening.Another mini-trip of fifteen milligrams was taken when I hadbeen on a partial fast for the sake of removing a few pounds.Eventhough not eating, I sat at the dinner table with Howard.The doseseemed exactly right for the mood and setting.Throughout the meal Ifelt brilliant, beautiful, rich, relaxed and sparkling.Whereas a predinner cocktail would have dulled the senses this easeful upliftment intensified this every detail of that memorable meal.Yellow com, greenlima beans and red peppers in a casserole sparkled mysteriously in thecandlelight.The salad of green and purple cabbage and orange carrotsringed with scolloped cucumbers on a bed of lettuce could have beennature's crown jewels.I had no more desire to consume thesebeauteous vegetables than to munch on emeralds and rubies, yet mysoul was sumptuously fed.Even our table talk remains imprinted in my mind.If one couldalways be just this high, I averred, what immeasurable influence andworldly accomplishment might be achieved? Since we could occasionally produce this sort of mood on our own, might it not be possible to maximize the ketaminelike substances which the body producesnaturally, just as one can produce alpha waves with the aid of abiofeedback machine? When I reached peaks in meditation it was likeclimbing a hill under my own steam.There was always the necessityto push on.This was more like having a loving hand reach down topull me up.Before it had saddened me to have to redescend into the valley ofhumdrum occupations.Now I saw that the process of shaking off thedust of the plains was like washing.Even if the grime again accumulates, scrubbing is worthwhile simply for the sake of beingrefreshed.In the long run, being a clean person has its own positive effects.The conversation then turned to the subject of synthetics, ofwhich ketamine is one."Well, God also made chemicals 1" This was acommon enough thought, but then it slid on into the idea, "And weare all chemicals in the body of God." I wondered why the word "synthetic" has pejorative overtones when synthesis is our evolutionarygoal.Simultaneously I saw myself as an organic compound beingbroken down to the molecular level and then restructured into a moreeffectively functioning human being.It seemed like a rightful way tocarry out nature's intent.On the whole, this experience taught me thatketamine may be advantageously used in weight control, since it canso easily diminish one's appetite.That night I slept well and awoke at our usual outrageous hour of5:30 am without the customary desire to crawl back under the com Let the Soul Seep Through103forter.Our mini-dose trips had been more useful than I would haveexpected.Perhaps, in the long run, this would be the way to go.As the month of February wore on two predinner twenty-fivemilligram sessions provided an interesting contrast between ideal andreal possibilities.In each instance Howard had come home from thehospital, we had our usual yoga workout and dinner had beenprepared.It was that quiet evening time when many people wouldpause for a cocktail a habit in which we do not indulge [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]