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."Apologies? You've nothing to apologize to Me for," She said."And if youneed to draw strength by touching the Khan, though, please do so."No.Not in front of Her.She could see into the foulness of his soul, yes,but he would not add to it.Not now, not in front of Her.Later, perhaps no,later, certainly; Gray would be honest with himself.But not before Her.He hooked his thumb in his sash."At most, you can only be once damned, you know," She said, shaking Her head,slowly."And that is avoidable.But it doesn't feel that way, does it?"No.It didn't.He could not have served his king, and his brothers, as wellif he had not taken the Khan into hand, to mix his soul with the surely damnedone of the Khan trapped in the Red Sword, but.Page 151 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html"No, it's not that." She frowned."Even if it's as dark a sin as you think itis, it's forgivable, as all are, to those of the faith you profess.It's thedespair that you will not release yourself from that's the sin, Joshua."Will not, or can not?He didn't ask.He would like to pretend to himself that it would beotherwise, but he remembered, each and every time that he drew the Khan, whathe had made of himself, and what he would make of himself not merely when nexthe drew the cursed sword, but took a breath without repenting of the necessityof it, a repentance that he could not feel, and would not lie about, tohimself or to others."Such arrogance, from a man of such modesty." She cocked her head to oneside."Who are you to say that your God cannot forgive you?"Always the same questions; always the same answers."I'm a man who has sworn to live by mercy tempered only by justice, justicetempered only by mercy," he said."I'd not ask for mercy for myself that Ithink would be tempered by no justice at all."Yes, Christ had died, offering to take the sins of the world with him; yes,forgiveness was available, to all who confessed and repented.But how could a just God forgive the unrepentant?"The world," she said, "is a stool that rests on three legs: faith, wisdom,and justice.And which of those is most important?"There was, as always, only one answer to that ancient riddle."It's as withany other stool the weakest leg is the most important, Lady, of course.Andjustice is, always and ever, the weakest.Wisdom there is, although neverenough; and faith, while sometimes lacking, is always available.But justice?There's little of that.Of all my failings, Lady, of all my sins, of all thatcan be said about me, please let it not be said that I begged God to weakenthe most important leg of the stool on which the world rests.""Gray ""Please, Lady, may we speak on this no more?"She sighed."A stubborn one, you are.More so than most, and your Order is astubborn lot, all in all.Would you rather speak about the rucksack?"In Her presence, he had forgotten about something so mundane.Page 152 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html"If it pleases You, yes," he said."It's Cully's; return it to him, if you would," She said."He left it herehis last visit." She actually chuckled."Most of you, I would chide forleaving your laundry for Me to do, and I guess I should make no exception inhis case.But I shall, anyway, and tell you not to chide him on My behalf.Infact, I tucked in a hairbrush for him he forgot to bring one with him lasttime.Don't mention that, either; let him discover that for himself." Shecocked her head to one side."Are you not going to ask?""Ask what, Lady?" He didn't pretend to understand Her.You didn't need tounderstand Her in order to love or worship Her, after all."Are you not going to ask if I had you sent all the way here just to pick upCully's rucksack?"She wanted him to, so of course he did: "Lady," he said, "did you have mesent all the way here just to pick up Father Cully's rucksack?""And if I did?""I make no complaint."Seeing Her was always pleasure, always pain, and there were times when hewasn't sure that he could sort out which was which, but that wasn't important.Obedience; service; faith; honor; justice and mercy; mercy and justice, yes.His own agony, physical or otherwise, simply didn't measure on that scale."No, you'd not complain." Her voice grew sharp."Well, you should, if thatwas the case.You should be complaining much.You should be complaining aboutMordred, and about Cully, and about the abbot, and about Me, for that matter.Let's start with the king [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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."Apologies? You've nothing to apologize to Me for," She said."And if youneed to draw strength by touching the Khan, though, please do so."No.Not in front of Her.She could see into the foulness of his soul, yes,but he would not add to it.Not now, not in front of Her.Later, perhaps no,later, certainly; Gray would be honest with himself.But not before Her.He hooked his thumb in his sash."At most, you can only be once damned, you know," She said, shaking Her head,slowly."And that is avoidable.But it doesn't feel that way, does it?"No.It didn't.He could not have served his king, and his brothers, as wellif he had not taken the Khan into hand, to mix his soul with the surely damnedone of the Khan trapped in the Red Sword, but.Page 151 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html"No, it's not that." She frowned."Even if it's as dark a sin as you think itis, it's forgivable, as all are, to those of the faith you profess.It's thedespair that you will not release yourself from that's the sin, Joshua."Will not, or can not?He didn't ask.He would like to pretend to himself that it would beotherwise, but he remembered, each and every time that he drew the Khan, whathe had made of himself, and what he would make of himself not merely when nexthe drew the cursed sword, but took a breath without repenting of the necessityof it, a repentance that he could not feel, and would not lie about, tohimself or to others."Such arrogance, from a man of such modesty." She cocked her head to oneside."Who are you to say that your God cannot forgive you?"Always the same questions; always the same answers."I'm a man who has sworn to live by mercy tempered only by justice, justicetempered only by mercy," he said."I'd not ask for mercy for myself that Ithink would be tempered by no justice at all."Yes, Christ had died, offering to take the sins of the world with him; yes,forgiveness was available, to all who confessed and repented.But how could a just God forgive the unrepentant?"The world," she said, "is a stool that rests on three legs: faith, wisdom,and justice.And which of those is most important?"There was, as always, only one answer to that ancient riddle."It's as withany other stool the weakest leg is the most important, Lady, of course.Andjustice is, always and ever, the weakest.Wisdom there is, although neverenough; and faith, while sometimes lacking, is always available.But justice?There's little of that.Of all my failings, Lady, of all my sins, of all thatcan be said about me, please let it not be said that I begged God to weakenthe most important leg of the stool on which the world rests.""Gray ""Please, Lady, may we speak on this no more?"She sighed."A stubborn one, you are.More so than most, and your Order is astubborn lot, all in all.Would you rather speak about the rucksack?"In Her presence, he had forgotten about something so mundane.Page 152 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html"If it pleases You, yes," he said."It's Cully's; return it to him, if you would," She said."He left it herehis last visit." She actually chuckled."Most of you, I would chide forleaving your laundry for Me to do, and I guess I should make no exception inhis case.But I shall, anyway, and tell you not to chide him on My behalf.Infact, I tucked in a hairbrush for him he forgot to bring one with him lasttime.Don't mention that, either; let him discover that for himself." Shecocked her head to one side."Are you not going to ask?""Ask what, Lady?" He didn't pretend to understand Her.You didn't need tounderstand Her in order to love or worship Her, after all."Are you not going to ask if I had you sent all the way here just to pick upCully's rucksack?"She wanted him to, so of course he did: "Lady," he said, "did you have mesent all the way here just to pick up Father Cully's rucksack?""And if I did?""I make no complaint."Seeing Her was always pleasure, always pain, and there were times when hewasn't sure that he could sort out which was which, but that wasn't important.Obedience; service; faith; honor; justice and mercy; mercy and justice, yes.His own agony, physical or otherwise, simply didn't measure on that scale."No, you'd not complain." Her voice grew sharp."Well, you should, if thatwas the case.You should be complaining much.You should be complaining aboutMordred, and about Cully, and about the abbot, and about Me, for that matter.Let's start with the king [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]