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. Hiseyes fell. Maybe that made it even worse. I sighed and returned to my slouched position. Maybe it s better now, before I fall in love with thekids, before it had time to hurt worse.All that happensnow is things go back to how they were a week ago. Tyler brought his eyes back to mine again. Unfortunately, Brooke, there s more. My eyes froze, locked with his.I felt my heart hitmy stomach.I knew what was coming.Unconsciously,my left hand moved to cover my right forearm.Donnie, however, didn t. More? How couldthere be more? Tyler didn t look at Donnie.He never took hiseyes off mine. You know they say everything happensat once; when it rains, it pours. I couldn t force any words out of my mouth.Icould feel tears already burning. I got another call, this one first thing thismorning, after I asked Donnie to come in with you. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Donniesit up straight, looking back and forth between Tylerand me, looking like he was about to spring through theroof. I got a call from Iris. I tried to look away fromTyler s gaze, but I couldn t. As you might know, shehas family in Denver.I don t know why it came up nowand not before.I don t know if she asked them to lookinto things or what, but regardless&. I could barely hear my own voice.I doubt thatTyler did. Don t&. It seems they told Iris about a newspaper articleabout you.They are sending it to her in the mail. Before I realized what I was doing, I was out ofthe office, out of the church, and running as fast as Icould away from both of them, away from everything.Ididn t even slip on the ice. Chapter 32The previous summer COME on in! Lester s deep voice soundeddistracted, and I could hear him rustling through papers.I eased the door open and poked my head in.He glanced up and saw me through his good eye.His dark face broke into a smile that didn t reach hiseyes, which was an unusually bad omen. Oh, Brooke!I didn t realize it was you.You made it over here fast.Come on in, grab a seat. I rushed over as soon as I got your message,Lester.I can t wait any longer.I need to know.Goodor bad. I sat across the room from him.I couldn tbelieve it had only been two weeks since I had been here.It felt like a lifetime ago. I m sorry it had to be like this.Sandra andChristina have asked several times if they could let theboys talk to you on the phone.They miss you. I wish they could have.I miss them too. Lester leaned back in his chair and took me in,tapping his chin.I had been hoping he would feel theneed to move at a quicker pace than normal.Apparently not. Lester, please.Just tell me what s going tohappen.You called and said to come in, so that meansI m either allowed to come back to work, or you regoing to tell me I can never come back at all.Which isit? Although the two weeks had been stressful andhumiliating, I never really doubted I would be allowedto come back.I wasn t guilty. I m sorry, Brooke. He shook his head soslightly that I barely noticed it.I just stared at him for a moment. What do youmean, Lester? I can t give you your job back.I ve triedeverything I can think of, but the board isn t willing toconsider it. I had let myself imagine him saying this, but sinceI hadn t believed he would, I guess I couldn t reallyprepare myself for it.In spite of myself, I felt dirty,sickening.I couldn t manage to form words and just satthere, staring at the man who had become like a fatherto me over the past several years, yet who now felt likea complete stranger. Brooke.I don t want you to believe that wethink you did anything.I know you didn t.Sandra andChristina know you didn t.None of us have any doubt.This was the board s decision. I felt the tears start to fall. It s just too public.It can t be proven you did it.Which of course is because you didn t. He tried tosmile at me, to show me he still believed in me.Hissmile only made his words worse. Unfortunately, italso can t be proven that you didn t. I found my voice. Lester! You know I would never do that.Not to my boys! Not to anyone! I know.Brooke, really, I do. His huge blackhand reached out and covered mine.My eyes drilled into his good eye, demanding thetruth. Do you really, Lester? Do you really believeme? He didn t say anything.In response, he stoodand pulled me into his arms.I always felt like Lester shugs were what being wrapped in God s arms wouldfeel like.He was so huge, dark, and warm.His left armenclosed my head between his bicep and his chest, andI wept.Sobs I hadn t given in to for two weeks werenow wracking my body.Lester pulled me tighter withevery new convulsion.I HAD been on one of my overnight shifts two weeksprevious.I had to do them one week a month.Theboys would sleep, and every thirty minutes, I would domy rounds and check in each room to make sure everything was fine.During the overnight shift, therewere usually less than ten other staff in the building.Typically, the most challenging aspect was simply tryingto stay awake.Around two in the morning, I was doing mynormal bed checks.I had opened the door of Brandonand Jamal s room.They were the only two who hadshown enough safe behavior to have a roommate.Jamalwasn t in bed.I turned on the light and found him in thecorner of his room, slitting his forearms with a brokenCD [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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. Hiseyes fell. Maybe that made it even worse. I sighed and returned to my slouched position. Maybe it s better now, before I fall in love with thekids, before it had time to hurt worse.All that happensnow is things go back to how they were a week ago. Tyler brought his eyes back to mine again. Unfortunately, Brooke, there s more. My eyes froze, locked with his.I felt my heart hitmy stomach.I knew what was coming.Unconsciously,my left hand moved to cover my right forearm.Donnie, however, didn t. More? How couldthere be more? Tyler didn t look at Donnie.He never took hiseyes off mine. You know they say everything happensat once; when it rains, it pours. I couldn t force any words out of my mouth.Icould feel tears already burning. I got another call, this one first thing thismorning, after I asked Donnie to come in with you. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Donniesit up straight, looking back and forth between Tylerand me, looking like he was about to spring through theroof. I got a call from Iris. I tried to look away fromTyler s gaze, but I couldn t. As you might know, shehas family in Denver.I don t know why it came up nowand not before.I don t know if she asked them to lookinto things or what, but regardless&. I could barely hear my own voice.I doubt thatTyler did. Don t&. It seems they told Iris about a newspaper articleabout you.They are sending it to her in the mail. Before I realized what I was doing, I was out ofthe office, out of the church, and running as fast as Icould away from both of them, away from everything.Ididn t even slip on the ice. Chapter 32The previous summer COME on in! Lester s deep voice soundeddistracted, and I could hear him rustling through papers.I eased the door open and poked my head in.He glanced up and saw me through his good eye.His dark face broke into a smile that didn t reach hiseyes, which was an unusually bad omen. Oh, Brooke!I didn t realize it was you.You made it over here fast.Come on in, grab a seat. I rushed over as soon as I got your message,Lester.I can t wait any longer.I need to know.Goodor bad. I sat across the room from him.I couldn tbelieve it had only been two weeks since I had been here.It felt like a lifetime ago. I m sorry it had to be like this.Sandra andChristina have asked several times if they could let theboys talk to you on the phone.They miss you. I wish they could have.I miss them too. Lester leaned back in his chair and took me in,tapping his chin.I had been hoping he would feel theneed to move at a quicker pace than normal.Apparently not. Lester, please.Just tell me what s going tohappen.You called and said to come in, so that meansI m either allowed to come back to work, or you regoing to tell me I can never come back at all.Which isit? Although the two weeks had been stressful andhumiliating, I never really doubted I would be allowedto come back.I wasn t guilty. I m sorry, Brooke. He shook his head soslightly that I barely noticed it.I just stared at him for a moment. What do youmean, Lester? I can t give you your job back.I ve triedeverything I can think of, but the board isn t willing toconsider it. I had let myself imagine him saying this, but sinceI hadn t believed he would, I guess I couldn t reallyprepare myself for it.In spite of myself, I felt dirty,sickening.I couldn t manage to form words and just satthere, staring at the man who had become like a fatherto me over the past several years, yet who now felt likea complete stranger. Brooke.I don t want you to believe that wethink you did anything.I know you didn t.Sandra andChristina know you didn t.None of us have any doubt.This was the board s decision. I felt the tears start to fall. It s just too public.It can t be proven you did it.Which of course is because you didn t. He tried tosmile at me, to show me he still believed in me.Hissmile only made his words worse. Unfortunately, italso can t be proven that you didn t. I found my voice. Lester! You know I would never do that.Not to my boys! Not to anyone! I know.Brooke, really, I do. His huge blackhand reached out and covered mine.My eyes drilled into his good eye, demanding thetruth. Do you really, Lester? Do you really believeme? He didn t say anything.In response, he stoodand pulled me into his arms.I always felt like Lester shugs were what being wrapped in God s arms wouldfeel like.He was so huge, dark, and warm.His left armenclosed my head between his bicep and his chest, andI wept.Sobs I hadn t given in to for two weeks werenow wracking my body.Lester pulled me tighter withevery new convulsion.I HAD been on one of my overnight shifts two weeksprevious.I had to do them one week a month.Theboys would sleep, and every thirty minutes, I would domy rounds and check in each room to make sure everything was fine.During the overnight shift, therewere usually less than ten other staff in the building.Typically, the most challenging aspect was simply tryingto stay awake.Around two in the morning, I was doing mynormal bed checks.I had opened the door of Brandonand Jamal s room.They were the only two who hadshown enough safe behavior to have a roommate.Jamalwasn t in bed.I turned on the light and found him in thecorner of his room, slitting his forearms with a brokenCD [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]