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.” He shrugged.“Really? A month?” My stomach sank at the thought.I was happy for him, I really was, but I couldn’t help feeling deflated.That interminable amount of time stretched out in my mind, seeming like forever, feeling that way already.He was going to be gone for the rest of the summer.I was going to be alone for the rest of the summer.“Hey, I’ll be your date for the wedding.” Charlie promised in an effort to lighten the mood.“I’ve even got a matching tutu I could wear.”“You do?” Zack grinned at her.“Thanks Charlie.” My voice was quiet, subdued, ignored over the sudden deafening cheers as Zack flipped his quarter expertly into the cup.It was Grey’s turn to drink then.They carried on with their game, laughing and cheering, completely oblivious to me and my utter disappointment.I stood by a moment, vexed, my arms crossed impatiently as I watched and waited for something else—more of an explanation or maybe even an apology, but none came.It didn’t help that everyone was half-cut while I felt completely sober; the cocaine seemed to have already worn off, which made me even angrier as I listened to their stupid, happy jabber.Finally, in frustration, I headed down the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me.I flopped down on my bed, grumbling as I dug through the dead grass scattered inside my purse until I found the vial again.Eagerly I snorted back the blow, doing more and more, trying to drown out the happy laughter from the kitchen with the dim buzzing in my head.Finally spent, I lay back and stared up at the ceiling, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of cocaine shooting through my veins.My hands were trembling.I looked around my room, my eyes darting rapidly as I tried to catch my breath.It was a fairly tiny space, holding just my bed and my dresser.The walls were totally bare.It was already as messy as my room had been at home, and now I had to do my own laundry.Once in a while Charlie and I would load up her car with garbage bags of our clothes and do them all in one day at the local Laundromat, but for the most part they just lay wherever I threw them off at night until I was desperate for some clean ones.I grabbed my stash of cigarettes from the nightstand and lit one.Even though I was super high now, I felt no urge to join my friends.I preferred to sit alone and feel sorry for myself, alert enough to think rationally about how much life sucked at the moment, but high enough now that it didn’t really bother me.Even without feeling, I knew how badly I was going to miss Grey, how I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, even for a day.And he’d been so casual about it, so aloof—like it didn’t even matter that we’d be spending a month of more apart, like it was no big deal.There came a sudden knock on my door.I looked towards the noise, but didn’t answer until the knocking came again.“Mackenzie?” It was Grey.“Yeah?”The door opened to reveal him, and most of my anger melted away at just the sight.He would always have that affect on me, it really wasn’t fair.Dressed in his dark jeans and a red Volcom t-shirt, his dark hair was hidden behind a well worn hat, his perfect lips curved into a cautious smile, his gorgeous blue eyes—though a bit bleary—looked at me hopefully.“Can I come in?”“Sure.” I was twitching as I looked back up at the roof.The bed sunk as Grey lay down next to me; his weight caused the springs to groan.I smelt his delicious cologne and tried to breathe it in as deeply as I could while remaining as stiff beside him as possible.“Your room’s a mess.” He noticed with a chuckle.“What are you doing in here? Aren’t you going to come and join us?”“No.” I shook my head, my teeth grinding.“Why not?”I rubbed at my nose with a shaky hand, avoiding his gaze.“You’re mad about the recording thing, aren’t you? ‘ Cause I’ll be missing the wedding?” He asked.“No.” I managed to answer.“Yes you are.”“No, I’m not.” My heart was pounding in my chest and my skin shone with the cool sheen of sweat.Heat was pouring off of me.I sat up and looked at Grey.“I’m not mad, really,” I panted, “I’m happy for you.I mean … I’m going to miss … I’m going to miss ….”“Hey, Mackenzie … are you okay?” He sat up and looked at me, his face concerned, his eyebrows furrowed.“You don’t look so good.”“What … yeah, I just ….” I pressed a hand to my chest.It felt like someone was sitting on it, or pushing against it or something, like I couldn’t breathe.I wiped a hand over my damp face and got up off the bed, but the change made me feel dizzy and I staggered back against it.I fanned myself with my hand.“I just … I gotta ….” What did I have to do? Wasn’t there something I had to do?“Mackenzie,” Grey was suddenly before me.When did he get there? He was waving his hand before my face as if trying to get my attention.I felt the sudden urge to run, like I had to get away from the mounting panic balling in my stomach.My hands were tingling like they had fallen asleep.I stared blankly in front of me, trying to think, trying to get my mind right.There was something I had to do.Run.I wanted to run.“Mackenzie!” Grey’s face was close to mine—too close, he was stealing my breath.I couldn’t breathe.His hands were on my arms, burning me, searing my skin.“Mackenzie, look at me!” He implored.Then everything went blurry, like water poured on a painting, and there was a flash of white, blinding light that engulfed my entire being.I knew nothing more.CHAPTER 32“Mackenzie, Mackenzie, shit, wake up.Wake up!” Grey’s voice was the first thing that registered in my mind.It sounded hoarse, like he had been screaming, like he was frantic with worry.I turned my head towards the sound, struggling to open my heavy eyelids.My throat was dry and sore as I swallowed sluggishly.My head was pounding.“Grey?” I choked out, my voice cracking.I felt terrible, like every single cell in my body was sick, but at least I could breathe now.I inhaled deeply, which made me cough, and my entire body radiated with pain from the action.I opened my eyes.Grey was leaning over me, his blue eyes looking me over, a mixture of worry and relief playing on his face.He let out a breath and dropped his head into his hands.“Holy shit, Mackenzie.Don’t you ever do that to me again.”“What happened?” I wondered slowly [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.” He shrugged.“Really? A month?” My stomach sank at the thought.I was happy for him, I really was, but I couldn’t help feeling deflated.That interminable amount of time stretched out in my mind, seeming like forever, feeling that way already.He was going to be gone for the rest of the summer.I was going to be alone for the rest of the summer.“Hey, I’ll be your date for the wedding.” Charlie promised in an effort to lighten the mood.“I’ve even got a matching tutu I could wear.”“You do?” Zack grinned at her.“Thanks Charlie.” My voice was quiet, subdued, ignored over the sudden deafening cheers as Zack flipped his quarter expertly into the cup.It was Grey’s turn to drink then.They carried on with their game, laughing and cheering, completely oblivious to me and my utter disappointment.I stood by a moment, vexed, my arms crossed impatiently as I watched and waited for something else—more of an explanation or maybe even an apology, but none came.It didn’t help that everyone was half-cut while I felt completely sober; the cocaine seemed to have already worn off, which made me even angrier as I listened to their stupid, happy jabber.Finally, in frustration, I headed down the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me.I flopped down on my bed, grumbling as I dug through the dead grass scattered inside my purse until I found the vial again.Eagerly I snorted back the blow, doing more and more, trying to drown out the happy laughter from the kitchen with the dim buzzing in my head.Finally spent, I lay back and stared up at the ceiling, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of cocaine shooting through my veins.My hands were trembling.I looked around my room, my eyes darting rapidly as I tried to catch my breath.It was a fairly tiny space, holding just my bed and my dresser.The walls were totally bare.It was already as messy as my room had been at home, and now I had to do my own laundry.Once in a while Charlie and I would load up her car with garbage bags of our clothes and do them all in one day at the local Laundromat, but for the most part they just lay wherever I threw them off at night until I was desperate for some clean ones.I grabbed my stash of cigarettes from the nightstand and lit one.Even though I was super high now, I felt no urge to join my friends.I preferred to sit alone and feel sorry for myself, alert enough to think rationally about how much life sucked at the moment, but high enough now that it didn’t really bother me.Even without feeling, I knew how badly I was going to miss Grey, how I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, even for a day.And he’d been so casual about it, so aloof—like it didn’t even matter that we’d be spending a month of more apart, like it was no big deal.There came a sudden knock on my door.I looked towards the noise, but didn’t answer until the knocking came again.“Mackenzie?” It was Grey.“Yeah?”The door opened to reveal him, and most of my anger melted away at just the sight.He would always have that affect on me, it really wasn’t fair.Dressed in his dark jeans and a red Volcom t-shirt, his dark hair was hidden behind a well worn hat, his perfect lips curved into a cautious smile, his gorgeous blue eyes—though a bit bleary—looked at me hopefully.“Can I come in?”“Sure.” I was twitching as I looked back up at the roof.The bed sunk as Grey lay down next to me; his weight caused the springs to groan.I smelt his delicious cologne and tried to breathe it in as deeply as I could while remaining as stiff beside him as possible.“Your room’s a mess.” He noticed with a chuckle.“What are you doing in here? Aren’t you going to come and join us?”“No.” I shook my head, my teeth grinding.“Why not?”I rubbed at my nose with a shaky hand, avoiding his gaze.“You’re mad about the recording thing, aren’t you? ‘ Cause I’ll be missing the wedding?” He asked.“No.” I managed to answer.“Yes you are.”“No, I’m not.” My heart was pounding in my chest and my skin shone with the cool sheen of sweat.Heat was pouring off of me.I sat up and looked at Grey.“I’m not mad, really,” I panted, “I’m happy for you.I mean … I’m going to miss … I’m going to miss ….”“Hey, Mackenzie … are you okay?” He sat up and looked at me, his face concerned, his eyebrows furrowed.“You don’t look so good.”“What … yeah, I just ….” I pressed a hand to my chest.It felt like someone was sitting on it, or pushing against it or something, like I couldn’t breathe.I wiped a hand over my damp face and got up off the bed, but the change made me feel dizzy and I staggered back against it.I fanned myself with my hand.“I just … I gotta ….” What did I have to do? Wasn’t there something I had to do?“Mackenzie,” Grey was suddenly before me.When did he get there? He was waving his hand before my face as if trying to get my attention.I felt the sudden urge to run, like I had to get away from the mounting panic balling in my stomach.My hands were tingling like they had fallen asleep.I stared blankly in front of me, trying to think, trying to get my mind right.There was something I had to do.Run.I wanted to run.“Mackenzie!” Grey’s face was close to mine—too close, he was stealing my breath.I couldn’t breathe.His hands were on my arms, burning me, searing my skin.“Mackenzie, look at me!” He implored.Then everything went blurry, like water poured on a painting, and there was a flash of white, blinding light that engulfed my entire being.I knew nothing more.CHAPTER 32“Mackenzie, Mackenzie, shit, wake up.Wake up!” Grey’s voice was the first thing that registered in my mind.It sounded hoarse, like he had been screaming, like he was frantic with worry.I turned my head towards the sound, struggling to open my heavy eyelids.My throat was dry and sore as I swallowed sluggishly.My head was pounding.“Grey?” I choked out, my voice cracking.I felt terrible, like every single cell in my body was sick, but at least I could breathe now.I inhaled deeply, which made me cough, and my entire body radiated with pain from the action.I opened my eyes.Grey was leaning over me, his blue eyes looking me over, a mixture of worry and relief playing on his face.He let out a breath and dropped his head into his hands.“Holy shit, Mackenzie.Don’t you ever do that to me again.”“What happened?” I wondered slowly [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]