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.Theymight be exactly what we say they are.Or they might not.That is totallyirrelevent, however, because we hate them only if we ourselves unknow-ingly possess the despised traits ascribed to them.We hate them becausethey are a constant reminder of aspects of ourselves that we are loathe toadmit.We are starting to see an important indicator of projection.Thoseitems in the environment (people or things) that strongly affect us insteadof just informing us are usually our own projections.Items that bother us,upset us, repulse us, or at the other extreme, attract us, compel us, obsessus these are usually reflections of the shadow.As an old proverb has it,I looked, and looked, and this I came to see:That what I thought was you and you,Was really me and me.With this basic understanding of the shadow, we can now unravelsome other common projections.Thus, just as pressure is projected drive,obligation is projected desire.That is, persistent feelings of obligation area signal that you are doing something that you don t admit you want todo.Feelings of obligation, feelings of "I have to for your sake," arisemost often in the family situation.The parents feel obligated to take careof the kids, the husband feels obligated to support the wife, the wife feelsobligated to accommodate the husband, and so on.People, however,eventually begin to resent obligations, no matter how delightful they mayseem to an outsider.As this resentment grows, the individual is likely torevert to witch hunting, and thus he and his spouse usually end up at thewitch doctor, commonly called the marriage counselor.The person who feels he is under terrible obligations to do such-and-such is simply projecting his real desire to do such-and-such.Yet this isexactly what he won t admit (in his resistance to the shadow).In fact, hewill tell you precisely the opposite: he will claim that he feels obligated because he really doesn t want to do such-and-such.But that can t bequite true, because if he really lacked all desire to help, he wouldn t feelobligated at all.He wouldn t care less! It is not that he doesn t want tohelp, it s that he wants to and won t admit it.He wants to help others, butprojecting this desire, he then feels that others want him to help.Thus,obligation is not the weight of demands from others, but the weight ofone s own unacknowledged friendliness.Let s examine another common projection.Perhaps nothing is morepainful than the feeling of acute self-consciousness, the feeling thateverybody is staring at us.Maybe we have to give a speech, or act in aplay, or receive an award, and we freeze because we feel that everybodyis looking at us.But many people don t freeze in public.So the problemmust lie not in the situation itself but in something we are doing in thesituation.And what we are doing, according to many therapists, isprojecting our own interest in people, so that everybody seems interestedin us.Instead of actively looking, we feel looked at.We give our eyes tothe audience, so that their natural interest in us seems blown out ofproportion into a massive amount of interest zeroed-in on us personally,watching every move, every detail, every action.And so naturally wefreeze.And will stay frozen until we dare to take back the projection tolook instead of feeling looked-at, to give attention instead of being clob-bered by it.Along the same line, imagine what might happen if a personprojected a bit of hostility, a bit of her desire to aggressively attack theenvironment.She would feel that people were being unnecessarilyhostile and provocative toward her, and she would consequently start tobecome intimidated, fearful, perhaps even terrified by the amount ofhostile energies zeroed-in on her.But this fear would be the result not ofthe environment, but of her projection of hostility into the environment.Thus, in most cases a person s unrealistic fear of people or places is justa signal, a tip-off, that she is angry and hostile but doesn t know it.In a similar vein, one of the most common complaints of peopleseeking emotional counseling is that they feel rejected.They feel thatnobody really likes them, that nobody cares for them, or that everybodyis highly critical of them.Often they will feel that this is doubly unfairbecause basically they like everybody.They feel that they pretty much lack any rejecting tendencies themselves.They bend over backwards tobe friendly and uncritical of others.But these are exactly the two distin-guishing marks of projection: you lack the trait, everybody else has lotsof it.But, as every child knows, "It takes one to know one." The personwho feels everybody is rejecting him is really one who is totally unawareof his own tendencies to reject and criticize others [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Theymight be exactly what we say they are.Or they might not.That is totallyirrelevent, however, because we hate them only if we ourselves unknow-ingly possess the despised traits ascribed to them.We hate them becausethey are a constant reminder of aspects of ourselves that we are loathe toadmit.We are starting to see an important indicator of projection.Thoseitems in the environment (people or things) that strongly affect us insteadof just informing us are usually our own projections.Items that bother us,upset us, repulse us, or at the other extreme, attract us, compel us, obsessus these are usually reflections of the shadow.As an old proverb has it,I looked, and looked, and this I came to see:That what I thought was you and you,Was really me and me.With this basic understanding of the shadow, we can now unravelsome other common projections.Thus, just as pressure is projected drive,obligation is projected desire.That is, persistent feelings of obligation area signal that you are doing something that you don t admit you want todo.Feelings of obligation, feelings of "I have to for your sake," arisemost often in the family situation.The parents feel obligated to take careof the kids, the husband feels obligated to support the wife, the wife feelsobligated to accommodate the husband, and so on.People, however,eventually begin to resent obligations, no matter how delightful they mayseem to an outsider.As this resentment grows, the individual is likely torevert to witch hunting, and thus he and his spouse usually end up at thewitch doctor, commonly called the marriage counselor.The person who feels he is under terrible obligations to do such-and-such is simply projecting his real desire to do such-and-such.Yet this isexactly what he won t admit (in his resistance to the shadow).In fact, hewill tell you precisely the opposite: he will claim that he feels obligated because he really doesn t want to do such-and-such.But that can t bequite true, because if he really lacked all desire to help, he wouldn t feelobligated at all.He wouldn t care less! It is not that he doesn t want tohelp, it s that he wants to and won t admit it.He wants to help others, butprojecting this desire, he then feels that others want him to help.Thus,obligation is not the weight of demands from others, but the weight ofone s own unacknowledged friendliness.Let s examine another common projection.Perhaps nothing is morepainful than the feeling of acute self-consciousness, the feeling thateverybody is staring at us.Maybe we have to give a speech, or act in aplay, or receive an award, and we freeze because we feel that everybodyis looking at us.But many people don t freeze in public.So the problemmust lie not in the situation itself but in something we are doing in thesituation.And what we are doing, according to many therapists, isprojecting our own interest in people, so that everybody seems interestedin us.Instead of actively looking, we feel looked at.We give our eyes tothe audience, so that their natural interest in us seems blown out ofproportion into a massive amount of interest zeroed-in on us personally,watching every move, every detail, every action.And so naturally wefreeze.And will stay frozen until we dare to take back the projection tolook instead of feeling looked-at, to give attention instead of being clob-bered by it.Along the same line, imagine what might happen if a personprojected a bit of hostility, a bit of her desire to aggressively attack theenvironment.She would feel that people were being unnecessarilyhostile and provocative toward her, and she would consequently start tobecome intimidated, fearful, perhaps even terrified by the amount ofhostile energies zeroed-in on her.But this fear would be the result not ofthe environment, but of her projection of hostility into the environment.Thus, in most cases a person s unrealistic fear of people or places is justa signal, a tip-off, that she is angry and hostile but doesn t know it.In a similar vein, one of the most common complaints of peopleseeking emotional counseling is that they feel rejected.They feel thatnobody really likes them, that nobody cares for them, or that everybodyis highly critical of them.Often they will feel that this is doubly unfairbecause basically they like everybody.They feel that they pretty much lack any rejecting tendencies themselves.They bend over backwards tobe friendly and uncritical of others.But these are exactly the two distin-guishing marks of projection: you lack the trait, everybody else has lotsof it.But, as every child knows, "It takes one to know one." The personwho feels everybody is rejecting him is really one who is totally unawareof his own tendencies to reject and criticize others [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]