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. Carlos& Just give me a chance, Theo.Let me show you that the world isn t so terrible.Let me do for you what you did for me.Let me save you, Carlos whispered, his lipsstill pressed against the scar.I reached up, my fingers curling in his vest.I felt like a little boy again,fighting to contain himself. I can t be saved, I whispered, staring out past hisshoulders.I d tried so many times.I let others try& I couldn t anymore.I couldn tbecome dependent on anyone.It was hard enough for myself alone.I wouldn tburden Carlos.I wouldn t let myself get hurt again. Yes, you can, Carlos whispered.So much strength and assurance behind his words.His lips crashed into mine,devouring me and pinning me in place.I could taste him; I could taste his soul andthe essence that made him.I opened up my mouth, sucking in his tongue and tryingto pull from him as much strength as I could.As much as I knew I should push himaway, I didn t want to.I wanted to hold him in place, wrap myself around him like avise.If only for this moment, I wanted to let go of my inhibitions and give in to him.I wanted to believe in the possibility that he could save me.That I was capable ofbeing saved. The Hunting Moon 91Carlos tugged at my turtleneck, pulling it up over my head.Greedily, I pulledat his vest, throwing it to the floor with my shirt.His hands were running all overmy chest, touching me as if I were a new discovery, a land to be sought out.I undidthe buttons of his shirt, pulling back for air.We didn t talk.We were too afraid to.Itmight shatter what we had; it might make it real.I didn t need reality.I couldn tface it.I hadn t been able to face it since I was a teenage boy.It was why I keptrunning.He sought my mouth again, pushing me down against the mountain of pillowson the bed.In a blink he was straddling my waist.I reached up, cupped his chin,and stared into his chocolate eyes, wondering how they would make me erupt.Carlos leaned forward, kissing me with a sense of fragility.His hips groundinto mine, sent sparks flying up my spine.I made a small noise in the back of mythroat and grabbed his hips, trying to pull him closer.I needed to feel that friction.Ineeded something. What are you doing? Selena asked from the doorway, where she swayed backand forth.Fuck.We froze, our chests rising and falling with our quick breaths. Uncle Carlos? she asked, her wide eyes blinking rapidly. Umm& Carlos said, a blank, dumbfounded look on his face. Wrestling! I threw Carlos off me and scrambled off the bed.I forced a harshbark of laughter, hoping a four-year-old couldn t tell it was fake. We werewrestling. Oh& She didn t look like she believed me. Well, Mama wanted me to checkand see how you were.She said dessert is ready. Okay, mi muchacha hermosa. Carlos coughed into his hand. He s fine.We llbe down in a minute.Un momento. I picked up my shirt, slipping it on and straightening my hair.When I wassure I was presentable, I said, We should get down there. Theo, Carlos said, still on the bed. I don t want to talk about this anymore, Carlos. I glared at him over myshoulder.It was easier for me to be mad.I d rather be mad than vulnerable. Everagain. His face twisted, and for a moment he was crushed, but then his expressionhardened, his eyes flashed yellow, and I knew his resolve had strengthened.I didn twait for him.I walked downstairs alone, trying to get myself in check.* * *After dessert, which was homemade flan (turned out to be Carlos s favorite),Carlos brought me back to my apartment.We sat in his truck, the radio turneddown low, our breaths fogging up the front window.I knew there was somethingthat needed to be said; it hung on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn t seem to put 92 Evelyn Shepherdthe words in order.So I just sat there, staring out at my apartment with boredinterest. Theo& Carlos said, his voice carrying over the music. What? I asked, looking back to him and then again at my apartment.It waseasier to look somewhere else than in his eyes.They were so raw with emotion, Icouldn t face it.The moon hung in the sky, days away from becoming full.The starsseemed faded, lost against the infinity of the night; so pale and confused, barelyguided by the waning moon. Talk to me, Carlos said, practically pleading.I studied the reflection of the moon playing off my apartment window, mycurtain slightly split down the center. There s nothing to talk about, Carlos. Damn it, Theo! Carlos barked, grabbing my shoulder and turning me around. What? I yelled back, my anger tingling over me, numbing everything else. Let me fucking in! Carlos set his hands on my face again, and I turned my head away, pushinghis hands off.He didn t stop; he kept pushing and grabbed my hands. I m not leaving.I meant what I said. Carlos, I warned, just stop. Let me show you that you don t have to bear it all.I can help you carry theworld, Carlos said, ignoring me.He let go of my hands and grabbed my face,turning my head so I was looking at him.He pressed his forehead to mine, hisbreath smelling sweet from the flan [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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. Carlos& Just give me a chance, Theo.Let me show you that the world isn t so terrible.Let me do for you what you did for me.Let me save you, Carlos whispered, his lipsstill pressed against the scar.I reached up, my fingers curling in his vest.I felt like a little boy again,fighting to contain himself. I can t be saved, I whispered, staring out past hisshoulders.I d tried so many times.I let others try& I couldn t anymore.I couldn tbecome dependent on anyone.It was hard enough for myself alone.I wouldn tburden Carlos.I wouldn t let myself get hurt again. Yes, you can, Carlos whispered.So much strength and assurance behind his words.His lips crashed into mine,devouring me and pinning me in place.I could taste him; I could taste his soul andthe essence that made him.I opened up my mouth, sucking in his tongue and tryingto pull from him as much strength as I could.As much as I knew I should push himaway, I didn t want to.I wanted to hold him in place, wrap myself around him like avise.If only for this moment, I wanted to let go of my inhibitions and give in to him.I wanted to believe in the possibility that he could save me.That I was capable ofbeing saved. The Hunting Moon 91Carlos tugged at my turtleneck, pulling it up over my head.Greedily, I pulledat his vest, throwing it to the floor with my shirt.His hands were running all overmy chest, touching me as if I were a new discovery, a land to be sought out.I undidthe buttons of his shirt, pulling back for air.We didn t talk.We were too afraid to.Itmight shatter what we had; it might make it real.I didn t need reality.I couldn tface it.I hadn t been able to face it since I was a teenage boy.It was why I keptrunning.He sought my mouth again, pushing me down against the mountain of pillowson the bed.In a blink he was straddling my waist.I reached up, cupped his chin,and stared into his chocolate eyes, wondering how they would make me erupt.Carlos leaned forward, kissing me with a sense of fragility.His hips groundinto mine, sent sparks flying up my spine.I made a small noise in the back of mythroat and grabbed his hips, trying to pull him closer.I needed to feel that friction.Ineeded something. What are you doing? Selena asked from the doorway, where she swayed backand forth.Fuck.We froze, our chests rising and falling with our quick breaths. Uncle Carlos? she asked, her wide eyes blinking rapidly. Umm& Carlos said, a blank, dumbfounded look on his face. Wrestling! I threw Carlos off me and scrambled off the bed.I forced a harshbark of laughter, hoping a four-year-old couldn t tell it was fake. We werewrestling. Oh& She didn t look like she believed me. Well, Mama wanted me to checkand see how you were.She said dessert is ready. Okay, mi muchacha hermosa. Carlos coughed into his hand. He s fine.We llbe down in a minute.Un momento. I picked up my shirt, slipping it on and straightening my hair.When I wassure I was presentable, I said, We should get down there. Theo, Carlos said, still on the bed. I don t want to talk about this anymore, Carlos. I glared at him over myshoulder.It was easier for me to be mad.I d rather be mad than vulnerable. Everagain. His face twisted, and for a moment he was crushed, but then his expressionhardened, his eyes flashed yellow, and I knew his resolve had strengthened.I didn twait for him.I walked downstairs alone, trying to get myself in check.* * *After dessert, which was homemade flan (turned out to be Carlos s favorite),Carlos brought me back to my apartment.We sat in his truck, the radio turneddown low, our breaths fogging up the front window.I knew there was somethingthat needed to be said; it hung on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn t seem to put 92 Evelyn Shepherdthe words in order.So I just sat there, staring out at my apartment with boredinterest. Theo& Carlos said, his voice carrying over the music. What? I asked, looking back to him and then again at my apartment.It waseasier to look somewhere else than in his eyes.They were so raw with emotion, Icouldn t face it.The moon hung in the sky, days away from becoming full.The starsseemed faded, lost against the infinity of the night; so pale and confused, barelyguided by the waning moon. Talk to me, Carlos said, practically pleading.I studied the reflection of the moon playing off my apartment window, mycurtain slightly split down the center. There s nothing to talk about, Carlos. Damn it, Theo! Carlos barked, grabbing my shoulder and turning me around. What? I yelled back, my anger tingling over me, numbing everything else. Let me fucking in! Carlos set his hands on my face again, and I turned my head away, pushinghis hands off.He didn t stop; he kept pushing and grabbed my hands. I m not leaving.I meant what I said. Carlos, I warned, just stop. Let me show you that you don t have to bear it all.I can help you carry theworld, Carlos said, ignoring me.He let go of my hands and grabbed my face,turning my head so I was looking at him.He pressed his forehead to mine, hisbreath smelling sweet from the flan [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]